The Great Grocery Shopping Race

Have you ever been in a race where the stakes were so high they made you sweat? Well welcome my friend, to the Great Grocery Shopping Race, where you're either fast enough to finish before the baby starts crying, or you get to have every shopper crank their heads as you pass to see the horrible mother abusing her child by dragging them with her to the store.

Now, if your SO has time to go grocery shopping with you when they aren't working or can stay home with the baby, then you may not have to participate in this game. But 9 times out of 10 in my household, the baby comes to the store with you.

THE PREP: It is important to know that when prepping for this GGSR, planning is everything.

-You must have a list, because wandering around the store is no longer an option. So get your list ready, and if you know your stores well, you can even list them by isle so you are super efficient! (Do I do this? Nope. I can tell you where the meat and produce is. Everything beyond that is like playing Where's Waldo in a sea of red and white.)

-Sleepy baby? Perfect timing! I have found that the best time to go shopping is right after a yummy warm bottle and right before an inevitable nap time! So warm up that milk and start that car! Get the feeding, and the burping (super important if you don't want a spit up covered baby in the store) done and get their little butt in the car seat and the race begins!

THE RACE:

-The key here is to go fast enough to get everything done, but slow enough to not wake the baby up with jerking motions! I've found a pace equivalent to a slow speed walker is just slow enough to only attract the attention of the older ladies in the grocery store, who you coincidentally fly by as they are deciding what oatmeal they would like to slurp down later that day.

- Is your baby super sensitive to climate change? No? Lucky you! My child will wake if we spend too much time in the cold isles. So if your little one is like my Carson, then the freezer section is a coin toss. Been in the store too long? Don't do it! You run the risk of that milk coma wearing off and the cold waking them up! And the cries that I have heard come from my son when he wakes up cold is unheard of. A range of 68-70 degrees is his preferred sleeping conditions, should this demand not be met, Carson shall not sleep! (His decree, not mine)

-The checkout line....Need I say more? Being impatient makes everything go slower, but being impatient while with an infant will make you look like a drug addict looking for their next score. At first, all seems calm. Then, the baby starts to move and your panic starts to set in. So you start the cart/stroller rock, which consists of the back and forth motion that you hope will soothe your baby back into a deep sleep. This only works for a short time, because to be honest, that motion would probably make you sick after a while. Then comes the "shush"ing, because every infant hears that and thinks "Oh I should be quiet and go back to sleep." And when that doesn't work, you finally start the withdrawal shakes/bounce. This can be identified when you start looking around at other lines to see if any of them are moving faster, and possibly considering the self check out line. Then finally, you take a good look at your cart and start contemplating leaving it all and just walking out. Because in the end, if you have formula or breastmilk at home, you can always just get delivery. Who says that postpartum belly isn't sexy right?

THE FINISH LINE:

-You did it! You made it through the store and the baby is still asleep! Did you get everything you needed? Probably not. Does that matter? Nope! See this for the win it is! Now your reward for finishing the GGSR, you get to take it all home and put it away while the baby starts waking up and screaming. But hey, at least you're home!